How to Build Confidence and Be More Social

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Building Charisma with Non-Verbal Cues

Is charisma a born trait? Or can it be learned? On today’s episode, Vanessa Van Edwards—a renowned expert on social skills and interpersonal intelligence is in the building with a toolbox of techniques and non-verbal cues that will supercharge your communication.

“I used to think you’re either born with charisma, or you’re not. Then I stumbled upon research that showed highly charismatic people have a very specific blend of two traits that can be learned,” she said, referring to studies by Susan Fisk and her team.

Those traits are warmth and competence, explains Vanessa, whose new book, “Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication.”

Quoting Fisk, Vanessa added that 82% of our judgments are based on these two qualities. It turns out analyzing warmth and competence is wired into humanity due to its importance in social interaction and survival.

What body language tells us when we communicate

The very first question we ask about someone we meet is: Can I trust you? To answer that question, Vanessa explains, we pay attention to verbal and non-verbal “cues” that signal warmth and tell us if the other person likes us and is honest with us. She defines cues as “the tiny signals we send to others 24/7 through our body language, facial expressions, word choice, and vocal inflection.”

The second question is: Can I rely on you? “The faster we can answer these questions, the faster we can connect with people,” she said, adding that her team’s analysis of around 500 startup pitches on the business reality TV show “Shark Tank” for her new book supports that argument. They found that the successful pitchers quickly established trust and credibility.

Vanessa—the lead investigator at her behavior research lab, Science of People—said one of the biggest mistakes that even very smart people make is stifling their cues because they assume their silence will make them seem more powerful.

But if we’re not expressive, the other person cannot answer the questions we talked about earlier, she added.

According to her, we can adjust the traits of warmth and competence for different audiences.

“For example, if we’re trying to hold the attention of some new folks, warmth is a characteristic we want to escalate. And if we’re trying to impress our boss, we need to maintain warmth but also demonstrate competence.”

Can we communicate effectively in the Zoom era?

I was curious to know if we can still communicate effectively and give and receive social cues in today’s digital world where most meetings take place online. According to Vanessa, it’s a myth that cues are less important on a video call. In fact, they’re more important because we’re dealing with a smaller amount of input. “We get burnt out faster on video calls because our brain is working harder to figure out if we can trust and rely on someone.” But the good news is when we have fewer inputs, it’s easier to work with what we have.

The importance of our body language can’t be underestimated, according to researchers such as body language expert Albert Mehrabian. His 7-38-55 rule states that 7% of meaning is conveyed by the spoken word, 38% by tone of voice, and 55% by body language.

Always love learning these practical tips from Vanessa that helps us become a more charismatic and effective communicators, whether you’re at the grocery store, on a date, or pitching on Shark Tank.